Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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