The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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