I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She told me I should be a condom model.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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