Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
