Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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