Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
