i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
