1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
