All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
