I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
