I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
