Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
