who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she pinky promised me she was 18
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
