You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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