On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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