she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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