Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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