The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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