I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Randomize
