and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
