She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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