i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
