he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
