Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
