Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
