My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This is classic penis vs brain.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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