What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
