drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
