i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
