Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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