also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize