Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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