why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize