lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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