i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize