Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
