tell your sister to shave her snatch
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
