Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
