The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
