With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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