I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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