Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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