She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
