I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
