Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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