Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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