we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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