Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
