dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
