THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
