Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
