took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
