I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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