I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am available for nakedness
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
