you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
