so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
