My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
