she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
