My nipple is on Facebook.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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