Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
