Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
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Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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