so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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