All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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