I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I will pee on everything he values.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
