I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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