Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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