I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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