OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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