my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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