and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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