I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize