Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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