I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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