New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
