I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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