I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
