I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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