Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
