p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
