I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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