I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
