even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize